Rhond Borman, LCSW...

Story: Sugar's Pre-marital Crisis

From the time she was a little girl, Sugar looked forward to her wedding. When she was in college, she met Moose at a party, and from those first moments, they became inseparable. Moose proposed on the first Valentine's Day after they graduated, and the couple began to plan their big day. But things were not going as happily as she imagined.

Over-spending, catty in-laws-to-be, her estranged father who wanted to walk her down the aisle, her mother's constant crying because her daughter was moving home, and a jealous, trouble-making matron of honor left Sugar exasperated and irritable. Her happy excitement turned to worry, anger and confusion.

Sugar came to see me when talking to her best friend didn't help. She began by saying, "I have a wedding planner who assures me that she will "take care of every problem." But I'm mature enough to know that these problems won't go away after the wedding. I want a good relationship with my in-laws. I want my mom to know I'll always be her daughter, and I want my dad to sit in the back of the church. He never could find time for me when I was growing up. And my sister - I don't know what is going on with my sister. I asked her to be my matron of honor, and she keeps saying ugly things to me."

As Sugar's bride counselor, we examined the underlying loses and fears family members were likely feeling, and Sugar practiced ways to communicate with them differently. She rehearsed ways to initiate honest dialogue with her father. To help with cost overruns, we explored interesting ideas which enabled Sugar to make alternative suggestions to Moose and her wedding planner.

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