Rhond Borman, LCSW...

Story: Pumpkin and Bruno

When romantic love wears off, partners become selfish. Each feels their needs are being ignored. A once happy relationship becomes filled with anger, distancing and even affairs. That's what happened to Pumpkin and Bruno. They lost their love connection when Bruno traveled with his job and Pumpkin was left at home.

Bruno wanted to be the best salesman in his region. He enjoyed showing off his product line, and he liked being in different places and seeing new sights. But as the months went by, Bruno became disenchanted with his company. He was tired of diner meals and hotel rooms. He hated living out of a suitcase. He wished he didn't have so much responsibility toward Pumpkin and their baby. If things were different, he would quit and take a lower paying job with no travel. But every time he opened his pay envelope and saw how lucrative this job was, he pushed those thoughts aside.

At first, she took excellent care of their baby, demonstrated exemplary performance on her job, and looked forward to the weekends when Bruno would be home and they would be a family again.

After six months of this, Bruno would arrive home, tired and preoccupied. He often locked himself away in his office to finish up the work he didn't get done while on the road. Pumpkin who had painstakingly tended their child, meticulously cleaned their home and cooked special meals felt ignored, taken advantage of and unloved.

It wasn't long that the distance between this once happy couple felt like the miles that separated them when Bruno was away, and they icily interacted with one another about perfunctory things, such whether or not a bill got paid, who would take out the trash, etc. Intimacy was lost and sex was something they "did" because they were "supposed to."

By the time they came to therapy, Bruno and Pumpkin thought they were headed for divorce. Therapy was their last attempt at staying together.

Over the course of weekly appointments for three months, Pumpkin and Bruno examined their childhoods and the early events that shaped their expectations of marriage. They explored ways to share appreciations and learned how to ask for changes in behavior. They planned weekly dates and made time for mutually desirable lovemaking. Day by day, their closeness returned, and they fell in love all over again. And they know it is a love that will last, because they now have the skills to keep their love strong.

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